The first thing Lotor became aware of was the taste, a horrible, bitter after taste that brought to mind the memory of all he had drank the night before. It brought with it a dryness, Lotor wondering if his tongue would shrivel up before he could get a chance to quench his needy thirst. The thought left him frowning, the prince realizing he was not looking forward to moving.
So he just lay there, concentrating on his breathing, trying to ignore the pounding in his head. It was a throbbing intensity that seemed focused on his temples, warning him that things would only get worse once he opened his eyes. He let out a sigh, Lotor slowly squinting his eyes open. The stark light of the room immediately had him squeezing them shut, the prince finding the light hurt his eyes.
It was unfortunate but part of the price he paid, Lotor long since used to the repercussions of drinking so heavily. Used to but not immune, the prince feeling his whole body hurt, bringing with the pain a mood that bordered on foul. Angry, he began issuing recriminations, silent reprimands as he scowled. He blamed himself for his state, but more than that, he blamed Allura, placing the fault on her shoulders as though the girl herself had been the one to pour the drinks in his hand.
~She might as well have.~ Lotor mused darkly, a snort escaping him. He conjured to his mind the image of her, seeing her in that instant before it all went wrong. Seeing her eyes sparkle with love, Allura looking at Lotor with raw emotion on her face. That look had destroyed him, Lotor being laid low by a blow that was as effective as though she had punched him herself.
The odd thing was Allura had not once lifted a hand to him, not attempting to attack or defend herself. He wondered at her game, even as Lotor lifted a hand to his face, shielding his eyes as he slowly opened them once more. The light was just as bright, a stark aggravation to his eyes, leaving Lotor to hiss as he squinted them half close. That lessened the strength of the light, brightness filtering in through his lashes as he stared up at a ceiling that was different from the moldy plaster of the warden’s room.
Here it was gray metal, matching the walls to give the room a cold and unfeeling air to it. Alarm began to work it’s way through him, an instant before he felt someone stir by his side, snuggling a warm body against the side of his, a hand possessively resting on his chest. He went still with horror, his tension increasing as his heart began pounding a furious beat in his chest.
~Oh no…~ Lotor thought, not daring to move, frightened of who he would see that lay cuddled so content by his side. His worry grew, Lotor realizing he recognized the room, realizing it was the very prison cell he had prepared for the princess of Arus. He tried to swallow down his agitation, still squinting as he stared upwards, trying to remember the previous night.
Lotor could remember as far as getting drunk, smashing bottles on the floor as he screamed out his rage. He dug deeper in his mind, and amidst the vibrant colored bottles and intoxicating drinks, he could recall stumbling from the room, angry at Allura, wanting to rouse her from her too peaceful slumber.
~Oh Gods, what have I done?~ Lotor wondered, lowering his hand. Still squinting, he slowly turned his head, catching sight of an unruly mass of golden curls, a head resting on his bare chest. His eyes widened, horror flashing in them as he realized it was Allura cuddled by his side, her petite frame fitting perfectly under his arm, the girl hugging him as though she had no intention of ever letting him go.
She was as naked as he, breasts pressed against his side so that he felt them nudge him with every movement of her breath. One of her slender legs was poised across his, hooked into place as though she could not get enough of touching him. For a long instant Lotor just stared, hardly daring to believe, noting other things such as the sheets tangled into a mess by their feet, and the mattress hanging off the bed frame at an odd angle. It felt as though that precarious perch could topple at any second, all it would take was a sudden move.
But Allura wasn’t moving, and neither was Lotor, the prince wide eyed and no longer noticing the bright light of the room. The scent of Allura’s hair tickled his nose, bringing with it memories, images he did not want to see. He saw Allura, but more than that he saw himself, his hands all over her, touching her. It was more than just doing what was necessary to get her ready for sex, his fingers lingered on her skin, tracing patterns in an attempt to familiarize himself to her body in a way that he had previously avoided.
What’s worse, he could remember the feelings behind those worshipful touches, Lotor feeling regretful at not doing this sooner. He marveled at Allura’s body, wondering how he could have gone so long without granting himself the privilege of touching her flesh. He had enjoyed touching her, going so far as to speak those words out loud, boldly telling her sweet nothings about how soft her flesh was.
Lotor groaned, a hand being lifted to plant against his face, the prince not quite cringing as more memories came to him. Shame burned it’s way through him as he recalled the all too eager way he had let her strip him, Allura planting face first in his lap to drive him wild with her mouth. His cheeks burned, Lotor feeling the flush of embarrassment as he recalled how she had reduced him to a simpering school boy with a few touches and ardor laden words.
He had been putty in her hands, his drink making him relaxed and unguarded, his expression open and showing real feeling to her. “Oh Hell…” Lotor muttered softly, voice muffled by the hand over his face. He had KISSED her. Not once, not twice, but many, many times, open, eager kisses that conveyed his desire to her more surely than almost anything else he could have done.
He was afraid to delve deeper into his memories, fearing he’d find that boundary was crossed. His hand lowered, Lotor staring at Allura’s sleeping face, wondering how it could have all gone so wrong. He barely paid attention to her actions of the night before, her eagerness registering only as a ploy, some newfangled deception to trick him into compliance.
Allura made a sound, a sleepy murmur that was accompanied by the tightening of her arm around his waist. The touch shocked him, bringing with him a moment frozen in time, Lotor on top of Allura, his arms wound into place around her. He had hugged her to him, as though she was the most precious thing in the world to him, Allura’s own arms returning the embrace, leaving them connected more intimately than ever before.
Sound started to come with the memory, Lotor flinching as he saw Allura attempt desperately to say she loved him. Three times she attempted, Lotor distracting her with his actions until the words were stifled. But it didn’t still the look in her eyes, the blue shining with adoration and love, melting the last of his defenses. “Oh hell.” Lotor hissed, voice sounding too loud in the room, his heart seeming to freeze as he realized he had told Allura he loved her.
The last barrier on his memory unlocked, Lotor’s mind seeming to flood with memories as he realized that had been only the first time he confessed his love for her that night. They had spent hours together, making frantic love. It went beyond mere calculated fucking, there was real feeling there, at least on his part as he touched and caressed her, spoke damning words of love, worshipped her as the Goddess he had always vowed to make her.
“Oh Hell.” He kept repeating that phrase, as though he knew not what else to say. He didn’t even try to muffle his words, feeling Allura let out a sleepy hmm in response to his voice. Lotor didn’t know what to do, wanting to slide out from beneath her, as if he could escape what had happened by fleeing this room. A decision was made, Lotor reaching for her hand, Allura awakening the exact instant his fingers grazed her skin.
He saw her blink sleep heavy eyes, the princess doing a tired little yawn that ended in a smile when she noticed him watching her. “Hmm…..morning….” Her voice sounded throaty, sleep changing it’s volume, Allura wiggling against him in a languid motion. “Or is it afternoon by now?” She gave a carefree giggle that had her head shaking, hair brushing across his skin.
He bit back a sharp hiss, cursing his traitorous body for liking the feel of her hair’s caress. Even worse was when she nuzzled her face against his skin, those kiss swollen lips of her pursing to graze against his flesh. It left him seething, Lotor hating the familiarity Allura was showing him. It didn’t show on his face, Lotor trying to school his expression to be ice cold once more.
“I thought the night would never end….” confided Allura, then added with a giggle. “In fact, I did not want it too.” She turned her face upwards, glancing at him, a sweet smile on her face. “Thank you Lotor…”
“For what?” He asked, voice hoarse and knowing he was doing a bad job of appearing the cold prince if Allura could continue to smile at him.
“For…” She paused, thinking about it. “For everything. For last night….for proving you love me. For…”
“Enough.” He whispered it, seeing her cock her head, trying to figure out what he had said. “Enough!” Lotor said louder, and he reach down to snatch at her hand. She didn’t fight him, allowing Lotor to lift up her arm, the prince dropping it so it fell by her side. He sat up before she could wrap it around him again, Lotor reaching for the leg that was still draped across his.
“Lotor….?” He could hear the frown in her voice, the rampant confusion as she spoke. “I don’t understand. What’s enough? Why are you pulling away from me?” He got free of her legs, and turned, carefully swinging his legs over the edge of the lopsided mattress. He couldn’t help himself, Lotor heaved a heavy sigh, dropping his head into his hands. “Lotor?” He flinched when he felt the soft touch of her hand on his back, Lotor whispering a pained cry.
“What have I done?”
Allura said something, but he barely paid any mind to her words, too lost in angry self reflection. Again he replayed the scenes of making love to her, hearing those damning words, phrases that set him back by months of hard work. How could he have left this happen, Lotor wondered, teeth clenched together as he shook with anger. How could he ruin everything with one night of drunken debauchery?!
It set him back to square one, leaving him wounded as Lotor found himself deeper in love with Allura than ever before. He likened his drunken actions of the night before to a drug addict relapsing, going back for one more hit that would undo months, years of hard work to stay clean. He’d laugh at the comparison if he didn’t know Allura was his addiction, a lethal one at that, the girl ready to lead him into ruin with her traitorous words and deceitful promises.
He had worked so hard to get over her, to keep their encounters cold and without feeling. What a horror it was to wake up and realize he had undone all that in an instant, taking satisfaction from her one way, only to leave him in pain another way. Making love to Allura had left him shattered, Lotor not knowing what to do next, all his carefully laid plans ruined. How would she ever believe he felt nothing for her after last night? How would he make HIMSELF believe he felt nothing for her after the frenzied way he made love to her?
He dully realized he couldn’t, shaking as he felt Allura wrap her arms around him from behind, the princess pressing herself against his back. She wasn’t saying anything, just holding him as though she could give him comfort from her touch. It was anything but, Lotor dropping his hands to stare dully downwards at her arms around him.
“Let me go.” Lotor ordered, hearing the note of pleading in his voice.
“No.” She said it softly, hugging him tighter, her bare breasts pushed against his back.
“Let me go!” He roared it this time, grabbing at her hands, fighting with her to get free. Allura hung onto him like a leech, forcing him to be brutal as he jerked himself free of her arms. She made a sound, a wounded protest that had him whirling around to stare at her, eyes narrowed. The look on her face froze him, Allura’s eyes sad and confused, lower lip trembling.
“Why?” She whispered it, the raw pain in her voice making Lotor want to fall to his knees and embrace her.
“Last night was a mistake.” He said instead, forcing his arms to his sides, hands curling into fists. “One that can never be repeated.”
“I don’t understand.” Allura frowned, inching towards the edge of the bed. “Last night was wonderful…” She took a step towards him, and Lotor backpedaled, moving away from her as though he would crumble to dust if she reached him.
“You must forget about last night.” Lotor told her, wondering if it was even possible for him to forget what they had shared. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Doesn’t mean anything?!” Allura’s look was wounded, her blue eyes blazing with emotion as she advanced on him. “How can you say that?”
“It’s easy.” Lotor said harshly, his unwilling body backing away with every step Allura took. She shook her head, her voice coming out to drown out his.
“It is not! If it was so easy to shut off love, we wouldn’t be here in the first place!” An angry gesture from her, Allura passionate as she spoke. “You’d never have kidnapped me if you could get over me so easily! Lotor…” Her hand reached for him, Lotor holding his own up to ward her off. “We shared something last night, something precious and beautfful….don’t turn your back on it…”
“It’s all an illusion Allura.” Lotor hissed, watching her reaction to his words. “A deception. False promises and manipulations, the kind you are so good at.” That hurt her, she looked pale right before she narrowed her eyes, hands on her hips as she let out an angry retort.
“You told me you loved me!” Lotor prayed he did not betray a reaction to her words, looking at her calmly. “You said you loved me, many times…not just in words, but in your actions. You couldn’t have faked that…”
“Maybe I’m just a better liar than you think Allura.” Lotor said, seeing her shake her head no.
“I won’t believe that! I can’t!” Allura cried out. “That was real feeling you showed me. It was different from all the other times we had sex. That was love making in it’s purest, unbridled form. To deny it would be sacrilege!”
“I do deny it!” Lotor shouted, angered when she didn’t back down. “I was drunk Allura, I don’t take responsibility for anything I said or did!”
“You know what I think?” Lotor shook his head no, but the princess pressed onwards. “I think being drunk just gives you an excuse to hide behind. If anything, being drunk let you be more free around me than you have been these last few days! Lotor! You touched and held me, you kissed me. You did things only a devoted lover would do…and now you think to make me believe something else of you? Well, I won’t! I can’t!”
“Funny to hear you speak of love…” His words came out snide, a sneer twisting his lips. “I could point out that you did those same things to me, and we all know how well that turned out!”
“I know…” She hung her head, sadness stilling her movements. “I know I haven’t given you any reason to believe in me after my betrayal….but Lotor….you must trust me….I do feel for you. Strongly…” To his shock and dismay, tears spilled down her cheeks, Allura sniffling out words. “I made so many mistakes…and I don’t know how to right them…”
“You can’t…” Lotor said. shaking his head repeatedly as he fought the realization within him. “Just as I can’t fight my feelings anymore.”
“Lotor?” She looked up at him with such hope, her eyes still wet and flowing over with tears. He squared his shoulders, and walked past her, deftly avoiding her hands when she made to grab him. He heard her chain rattle, Allura trailing after him as he stalked towards the bed, looking for his clothing. There wasn’t many places for it to hide, Lotor retrieving his pants from the floor.
Allura stepped behind him, silent as he withdraw the remote from the pants. He stared down at the tiny device, hesitation on his face. He heard her sigh when he lifted it towards the door, finger pressing down the button that trigger the metal’s opening slide.
“Your feelings!” Allura cried out, grabbing at his arm. He stood avoiding her, feeling her hands tug and pull insistently at his body. “What about them?! What can’t you fight? Please….tell me…”
“I don’t understand them any more…” Lotor muttered, knowing he was lying. The love he felt for her was undeniable, leaving him conflicted and confused over what to do next. The only thing he could think about now was to get away from her, Lotor jerking his arm free of her grip as he all but ran towards the door. Allura shrieked, pain at the heart of that sound, chain making a clanking sound as she ran after him.
“Lotor, don’t go!” She cried out as the chain drew her up short before the door. “Please…let’s just talk this out…it’s not….it’s not too late for us to resolve this.”
“Of course it is.” Lotor said, risking a look at her face. She was still crying, hands reaching towards him, the princess wanting to drag him back into the room. “Talking won’t do any good….talking won’t change things between us…”
“What if you’re wrong?!” Allura demanded. “What if what I have to say could change everything?!”
“I’m not ready to hear more lies….” Lotor said, weary exhaustion creeping into his voice.
“They wouldn’t be lies!” Allura protested, even as Lotor pushed a button on his remote. “Lotor please!” She cried out, helplessly watching the door start to slide close. “We can’t continue like this!”
The door completed it’s slide, cutting off her agitated exclamations. The worse thing was, Lotor agreed with her, knowing something had to be done about their situation and fast. But that something left him scrambling in the dark, Lotor wondering if he had at last reached an impasse in his scheme to get over Allura.