Competition

It is late, the clock tick tocking well past the midnight hour. He sits alone, endlessly waiting. He is not a patient man, but for her he tries, Lotor stifling angry mutterings and annoyed glares. He doesn’t know how much more he’ll have to endure, how many more hours will go by before his wife deigns to come to bed.

All he can do is pace, avoiding looking at the piece of furniture that mocks him so. He won’t lay down in it, he refuses to concede his defeat. What was once picked out with grand expectations, now feels cold, and far too empty without his wife by his side.

Allura should be here now, it’s well past time to put aside responsibilities, at least those that didn’t pertain to her husband. But he knows her, Lotor understanding she won’t come until every last detail is perfect. She’s practically compulsive in her dealings, obsessing about every little thing. He envies that her attention can be devoted so thoroughly to something other than him, Lotor almost snarling as he walks the length of the darkened bedroom.

He wants to command her love, command her attention, her devotion. Own it, keep it locked up so that no one else may touch it. See it. Taste it. And yet he knows he cannot. Allura would hate him otherwise. And that is something he cannot deal with. Let her angry, let her be sad, but never, ever let her hate him.

Still Lotor can’t help wishing things were somehow different from the reality of their marriage. Their time together is limited to brief moments, Allura spending late hours. Early to rise, and late to bed, it was a wonder she didn’t collapse from the strain of it all. Maybe then he’d have more time with her.

Time…it weighed heavily on his mind, Lotor knowing they were always running out of it. He couldn’t fault his wife completely, he had duties too. But at least he knew how to distant himself, to make space in his schedule for her. But Allura would be aghast at the thought of sacrificing time towards her responsibilities. It was those same responsibilities that was putting a strain on their marriage.

He had once admired her devotion to her planet. Hell, sometimes he still admired it. But more than that, he was jealous of it. And hopelessly competing with a world, trying to be the one thing that mattered to Allura. And knowing that never would she place him above her people.

The thought is enough to make him scream, he’s practically seeing green. Ever the jealous Drule, from the days of his childhood right up to his adulthood, he hated
sharing. Despised it. He had thought Allura had understood that when they married, thought she would be different once that ring was on her finger. It’s worse than if she had taken a lover, at least then he’d know how to dispose of the competition.

But to make a whole planet disappear? He knew ways, but Lotor knew that would hurt her, cut her to the quick. Arus was her life, the sole thing that gave Allura purpose. Blast it all, he wanted to be her reason for getting up in the morning!

But he knew he never made her smile quite the way she did when thinking or talking about her planet. Her eyes lit up, and she became so animated, even when
discussing the problems of her people. She was passionate in a way that she never was with him, leaving Lotor to curse in frustration. How could he hope to compete with a whole world of people?

And yet he understands that she loves him, at least part of her does. She wouldn’t have married him otherwise. But that love is starting to not be enough, he’s starving for it, his meal being delivered to him in small bites that do nothing to sate his hunger.

Once Lotor had thought he’d be happy with any part of her love, now he is not so sure. Especially when she walks into the room, arms burdened with papers, Allura barely acknowledging him. Her eyes are all for the documents she carries, some new plan she’s putting into motion for Arus. She barely remembers to stop and kiss him in greeting, her eyes showing her distraction.

He grumbles, trying to draw the papers from her hands. She is reluctant to give them up, Lotor guiding her to the bed. He’s too agitated to do more than lay besides her, just listening to the sounds of her breath. Allura’s more tired than she’d let on, falling asleep almost instantaneously against the pillows. Lotor knows he’ll be up for much longer than she, just staring, studying his wife.

It’s a sad moment to him to know he’ll never have her full love, Lotor sighing. It’s even worse when he realizes he should have known from the start that Arus would always be a problem between them.


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