Regret 10

It is not easy to be King of an empire as vast in size as that of planet Doom’s. There are hundreds of worlds claimed under Doom’s name, billions upon billions of people dependent on the decisions I make. People live and die on my whims, my need for absolute control not allowing me to leave the big decisions, the important ones, to any other’s hand. I am more involved in the running of the empire than my father ever was, the men and women who rule on each individual world mere figureheads who must answer to me.

Because I am not one to forgive mistakes, those figureheads exerting much care to keep things running as smooth as possible. They endeavor hard to keep the Empire a well running machine, their blood, sweat and tears it’s oil. They know that any mistake could end up a clog in it’s gears, fearing the price I will demand as penance for their errors. They fear me, knowing it’s not just a loss of power they will have to face, but death itself. Their zest to keep on living is a fine motivation for them to do right by the Empire. It’s not like the old days, not like when my father ruled. Back then there was much greed and corruption, and worst of all a shameless lack of work ethic. I changed all that, executing most of the old regime and infusing my own rule with new blood and ideas.

Those ideas have helped Doom to flourish, it’s prosperity the envy of all other worlds. They want our riches, our power. They want the security Doom’s name can give, the protection of it’s military. They’ve fought, begged, even tried to buy their way into my kingdom. All clamoring for just a taste of what they once viewed as a fate more horrid than death.

It is still strange to think of how different things are, ten years later. Every day new applicants try for a chance to become part of the Empire. And every day I am rejecting many of those, finding them too poor, too weak, too insignificant to burden my own glorious Empire with. Arus is one of those types of worlds, a planet that would only be a drain on the Empire’s resources for many years to come. There is nothing of value left on Arus, nothing but war torn lands that can barely sustain life. Arus doesn’t even merit my consideration, and if not for Allura, I would have wiped my hands free of that world years ago.

It causes a stir now, in the Senate, many of the men and women present learning for the first time how serious I am about maintaining my promise to Allura. They can’t understand why I would bother, why I would not just simply take what I want from her, Arus be damned. It’s more than the lack of understanding that bothers them. They are uneasy with my show of renewed interest in Allura, having thought me free of my obsessions years ago. They don’t know I have been waiting, dreaming of this moment, anticipating Allura’s most desperate hour.

To smile now would only encourage the Senate’s worst fears. I must maintain a neutral expression, act indifferent to what Allura’s presence here on Doom means. I mustn’t betray how badly I want, NEED her. I can’t let on that even now I want her, that I want nothing more than to bend her over my desk and thrust myself to satisfaction in front of the horrified gathering of Senate members. I’m half hard just imagining it, Allura’s cries of discomfort mingling with the scandalized gasps of the Senate. It would serve them all right if I followed through on that desire, but I am conscious to remain in control. I will not become slave or addict to my lusts, will not do something that justifies the Senate’s fears. I won’t even call on Allura at all today, if only to prove a point to them and to myself, that she holds no power over me.

I am in doubt of just that, half day dreaming about being inside her. The sex had ultimately been unsatisfying, my body reaching it’s climax, but leaving me feeling hollow inside. I try not to think about the reason why, try not to acknowledge that some part of me feels regret that I use Allura rather than love her. I insist to myself that the sex will get better, that I will learn to just accept the instant gratification I can get out of Allura.

I hate that I can’t just take the sex for what it is, that my emotions and feelings are so tied up into the act. Why I must hurt to know it’s not love that has brought her to me at last. Any other woman, I could have distanced myself from, taken the sex and been satisfied. My revenge isn’t coming as easy as I would have liked, and if I’m not careful, it will be Allura who has the last laugh over me.

The fear of that, of Allura winning? It’s what drives me to keep away from her now. I tell myself I have to take her in small doses, that I can’t indulge myself inside her as much as I want. I chafe at those self imposed restrictions, but know it is for the best. Nonstop sex won’t free me of Allura’s spell, but to my frustration I don’t know what will. It is a dangerous game I’ve set into motion, my need for revenge allowing for the opportunity for Allura to hurt me once more.

I wish it could be otherwise. I wish I could just take what I want without the risk she poses to me. But the reality of having her, is far different from my imagining it, my feelings putting unexpected pitfalls in my way. I can’t distance myself as much as I need to, can’t detach myself from the pain and hurt she has caused me. I haven’t even been able to enjoy the start of my revenge, finding myself not as cold and indifferent as I had thought myself. But it’s not love I feel, never that! Not when I have such twisted impulse, such a depraved desire to hurt her.

And not just to hurt! I want to control her, to take over her life and her thoughts. I have hourly reports delivered to me, people watching, waiting should Allura dare to leave the guest quarters. But she hasn’t even set one foot outside her bedroom, hiding from me, from the people inside the castle. Her only confidants are those servants she brought with her from Arus, and so far they are not willing to talk about what Allura does inside her chambers. I wonder if she sleeps, if she tries to recover from the abuse I’ve done her. Her body may heal, but her soul is a different matter, Allura surely suffering at the thought of having to sell herself to me.

I’ll busy her with reminders of just what she has done. The food and drink delivered to her? Sumptuous feasts of rich roods meant to fatten out her curves a bit more, all to make her all the more pleasing to my eyes. Regular fertility shots will be administered. I won’t have a pregnancy ruining my fun. And then there is the clothes, the new wardrobe I have ordered for her. It is an extravagant display of my wealth, several hundred thousand credits being donated to clothe Allura for her new role in my life. It is just a fraction of the wealth I have at my fingertips, mere chump change to Doom. But to Arus, the money spent is enough to save hundreds of lives. Allura will hate the reminder that the clothes bring her, that every scrap of silk she wears is a small part of the fortune I am using to save her beloved planet.

I regret that there isn’t time to devote more of my attention to Allura’s wardrobe. But I am an Empire’s King, far too busy to spend time making choices on my paramour’s closest. The staff at the boutique I favor, have excellent taste. They know what I will like, know what my preferred look and cut is, down to what kind of fabrics I like to feel against my skin. Allura will be made all the more dazzling by their expertise, and I look forward to seeing the finished result.

But more than that, I look forward to stripping her out of those fashionable garments. To see her clad only in the sheer lace of her under things. Already tortured with need, my cock stirs, throbbing in response to the idea of Allura clad only in the tiniest wisp of panties. I gnash my teeth then, angry that mere thoughts can have such an effect on me. But my anger can’t soothe the arousal once started, my erection hidden only by the desk in front of me. I want to summon for Allura immediately, to force her to deal with the problem she has caused me. But I won’t. I won’t give her the satisfaction to be THAT out of control. I won’t allow myself to be made that dependent on her. I’ll suffer in silence, endure the concerns of the Senate before carrying on with my day. I’ll leave Allura alone in her chambers, all the while knowing she is on edge, fearing for the summons that will force her back to my bed. The fact that she’ll spend an uneasy day worrying, is almost enough to soothe me. Almost but not quite, leaving me to stifle a groan. I tell myself it will get easier with time, that I won’t always want her this strongly. But I worry all the same, fearing how my lusts may prove me wrong on that point.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: