Freedom 15

She had spent a fitful, restless night, Allura tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable. She blamed it on nerves, ignoring how furiously her heart was beating, her body hot in a way she could not explain. It was an odd feeling, to be torn between desire and loathing, the princess trying to deny the aching she had felt deep inside. Much as she tried to deny it, Lotor’s touch had awakened something primal in her.

It scared her, Allura terrified that her body could be so quick to betray her heart, the princess not wanting to be aroused by Lotor’s touch. But arouse her he did, new sensations coursing through her body, leaving her tingling, wanting for something. Allura refused to let that something be Lotor, refused to let him have this victory over her.

It would have been better if he had been cruel, better if he had simply taken what he wanted from her. Allura didn’t understand why he didn’t, why he chose instead to be gentle with her, his touch reverent, kisses full of adoration. It made her blush just thinking about it, Allura shaking, wishing she could block out the memories.

At one point during the night she had slipped free of the bed, exploring the cabin’s small bathroom. She had turned on the shower, letting the ice cold water hit her full blast, leaving her shivering, still feeling that feverish warmth. She had pressed herself against the cool tiles of the shower wall, letting the water pelt her as she stared at the rings on her hand.

They bound her to Lotor more securely than any chains, the gold band a constant reminder of her duty, the diamond a promise from him to her. She had reached for those rings, giving them a vicious twist. But she had hesitated to remove them, leaving them to stay heavy on her finger. Water dripped down her face, the shower’s spray mixing with her tears, Allura not sure what she mourned for the most. The loss of her freedom, or the loss of her innocence, perhaps the loss of her dreams, the potential the future had always held for her.

Somewhere out there was the man for her, the man she should have been married too. In an instant he had been denied to her, leaving her to settle for a life with a man she did not love. A man that on most days she wasn’t even sure she liked. It made her want to scream, pound her fists against the tile until she bled, Allura settling for scrubbing her skin raw in an attempt to wash away the memory of Lotor’s touch.

Such actions did little to make her feel better, Allura losing track of time, emerging from the shower waterlogged, with her hair hanging down in wet clumps. Dripping water all over the place, she ended up back in her marriage bed, finding it a blessed relief that she spent the night in it alone.

And still her thoughts tormented her, Allura slipping in and out of sleep, until at last the onboard time meter clicked to the six o clock position. It was then that she truly gave up on sleeping, Allura sitting up, her bathrobe tied tight around her body. She spared a thought to wonder where Lotor had spent the night, thankful to the extreme that he hadn’t come back and tried to force the issue between them.

She slid out of the bed, bare feet padding across the floor, her destination the far side of the room. A closet was built into the wall, doors hiding the overstuffed contents of a wardrobe for her and Lotor. She rifled through the contents, feeling dull and uninterested in the many fine gowns he had bought for her. They were bright and colorful, a complete contrast to the mood she found herself in.

Allura kept on rejecting gown after gown, when suddenly a darker color caught her eye, gray silk that was neither too dark, nor too light. She shoved the clothing aside for a better look, finding a tasteful pant suit, that held a hint of navy blue lace that descended down from the bodice in a swirl of designs. The sleeves went straight down to the elbow at which point they flared open, ready to drape down attractively around her lower arms.

Allura quickly put the pant suit on, finding it a relief to be garbed once more. She walked over to the vanity, catching sight of her reflection in the mirror. She looked tired, but more than that, Allura imagined her torment shone in her eyes. It made her scowl, Allura slapping her cheeks, trying in vain to chase away that look in her eyes. Pink faced, and still scowling, Allura sat down.

She still wore Lotor’s mother’s necklace, her hand going to it, touching the sapphire. With a shake of her head, she went to remove the necklace, feeling she had no right to be wearing it. It clanked lightly on the surface of the vanity, jewels twinkling in the light of the room. Allura ignored it, choosing instead to poke at the vials and containers on top of the vanity, finding creams and scented oils. She had no use for them, her eyes lighting on a small box.

Upon opening the delicately carved lid, she discovered her crown, the ivory piece a familiar and welcome sight. Allura quickly slid it back into place upon her brow, feeling a little more like her old self. One step further, and she was combing her hair, getting ready to put it up in her favored bun style. Such actions helped to calm her down, ease the turbulence she felt in her mind and in her heart.

Not that thoughts of Lotor didn’t hold fast in her brain, Allura finding herself quick to be reminded of him by the simplest of things. The white of the table cloth reminded her of his hair, it was worse when she saw blue, thinking of his azure skin. Her slipper covered foot crunched down on glass, the sound bringing her back to the kiss he had bestowed upon her as he tossed away her glass of wine.

With a sigh, she was kneeling, fingers careful as they picked up the glass remains. Depositing the glass shards in the small bin by the vanity, Allura continued her exploration of the room. She found books, a small selection of fantasy and romance, along with various entertainment holos. Lotor had kept his word about providing her with something to do, but even with the books she found her mind wandering back to her husband and the night before.

Words blurred on the page, Allura taking them in without understanding their meaning. She kept glancing at the door, wondering when Lotor would deign to put in an appearance, half fearing what would happen when he showed. Would he be angry, his words curt and quick to cut to her heart? Or would he be back to his normal, somewhat pleasant facade, trying to keep her at ease? Did she even want that, or would she prefer his anger to his charm?

The time ticked onwards, and still he did not show. At some point around eight, the servants appeared, little comment on them over her husband’s absence from the room. They brought breakfast to her, taking away the wine, and leaving fresh squeezed juice in it’s place. Allura picked over the contents, barely able to eat, her nerves were so tight. What little passed through her lips felt like cardboard, the princess chewing with a grimace.

She soon returned to the bed, paging through her chosen book. But her attention kept right on wandering, Allura staring at the door. It got to the point she wished Lotor would show, hoping his appearance would put an end to the tension she felt. At least then she would know how things stood between them, would know how he wanted to proceed with this sham of a marriage.

After yet another failed attempt at trying to read the opening chapter to the fantasy she had chosen, Allura sighed and set down the book. The time meter showed it was half past ten, Allura frowning. It was now a little over twelve hours since Lotor had left her, leaving her to wonder if he would ever come back. Her teeth gnawed on her lower lip, Allura biting it, uncertain of what she was about to do.

But she forced herself to stand, leaving the book spread upside down on the mattress, Allura heading for the room’s door. It wasn’t locked, and this left her pleased, the girl almost smiling when she saw that no one guarded the outside of the cabin. She closed the door behind her, stepping into the hall. She looked to the left and to the right, but at last chose to walk along the way they had come the night before, hoping to come across someone who might tell her where Lotor was hiding.

The thought of the prince hiding from her amused Allura, the princess not thinking she was capable of such a feat. But still she knew her rejection of him had to have bothered him, the proof was right there in his staying away for so long! It made her sigh, wondering if she should apologize to him, Allura walking along the hallway, listening to the sound of her heels echoing.

The sides of the ship were open with heavy panes of glass, letting her look out into the loneliness of space. Only….it wasn’t as empty as she had expected it to be, seeing many Drule designed war ships floating alongside the one she was on. Her eyebrows drew together in thought, Allura wondering why they were accompanied by so many of the fleet.

This was a mystery she sank her teeth into, strolling along the corridor, occasionally pausing to stare at the ships once more. She counted more than a dozen of them, the numbers bothering her. This was more than a royal honor guard, it was more like an invasion! The thought left her startled, Allura wondering if Lotor intended to do some work on their honeymoon. The thought of him attempting to subdue another planet left her angry, and that was good, Allura let it rise, let herself seethe as she walked.

It was no good to jump to conclusions, she knew that, but if such thoughts would distract her from other matters, than she welcomed the behavior. A few more feet were traveled, and then she heard sounds. Men grunting and yelling, even boisterous laughter. Ever curious, she followed the sounds, coming to the training facility they had passed by earlier.

It was little more than an oversized gym, padded mattresses laid out across the floor, with equipment spread sparsely about the room. Men were gathered, standing with their backs to her, watching others train. Allura watched too, seeing shirtless Drules covered in sweat, panting and glaring, issuing out angry shouts as they rushed an opponent.

She didn’t see who it was at first, he was too surrounded by bodies. A shout was heard, a loud yell of intent as a fist was seen raised, knocking aside one of the Drules. She couldn’t see what their opponent was doing, but one by one the bodies were flung away from him, until at last she caught sight of white hair whipping about a familiar face.

Lotor, shirtless, clad in loose fitting pants, his feet bare as he repositioned himself on the mat. His form was aggressive, he was sliding into an attack pose, an angry smirk on his face. The remaining Drules hesitated, staring back at their prince, and he gestured with his fingers for them to come at him. A glance at each other, and then a large, purple skinned Drule was shrugging.

With a scream, he was running towards Lotor, hands curled into fists, ready to try and pummel the prince. Lotor blocked his punches, letting them hit the palm of his hands again and again. The purple soldier kept trying, fists flying, and now he suddenly brought his leg up in a sweeping kick in which he meant to connect his foot with Lotor’s face.

Lotor laughed, even as Allura gasped, seeing him neatly catch hold of the attacking foot. He effortlessly lifted the large Drule up off the floor, the soldier loosing his balance as Lotor turn and swung him, letting him fly into the two Drules that had started running towards them. Together, all three went down, staying stunned on the mat with low groans escaping them.

“Whose next?!” Lotor demanded, hands on his hips. He wasn’t even breathing hard, looking exhilarated from the exercise. The watching crowd looked at each other, a low murmur of protests could be heard.

“Bah!” Shouted Lotor, disgusted. “Worthless!” He turned his back on the downed soldiers, retrieving his sword from the floor. The crowd moved to pick up the men, some of them unconscious from the experience. Lotor sword was now unsheathed, lazon humming as he began practicing, fighting with an invisible opponent. Occasionally he’d pause to twirl complex patterns in the air, Allura amazed at how close he came to letting the lazon graze against his skin.

The sword slashed through the air, Lotor doing a deadly dance against his make believe attacker. Again and again he would strike, thrusting his sword into the air. Allura stood watching him, and it was only when he suddenly turned, sword pointed in her direction that he noticed her.

“I think he’s dead.” She offered up, heart beat quickening. He looked at her questioningly, Allura hurrying to clarify. “The imaginary person you were doing battle with.”

“Ah.” Lotor said, and once again began twirling his sword about.

“Have……have you been at it very long?” Allura asked, words coming out hesitant and slow in response to his silence. “The exercise I mean?”

“Since early this morning.” Lotor told her, doing a downwards slash with his sword. He straightened up and made eye contact with her. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“…..neither could I.” She said at last, Lotor looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh?” His next words had her flushing, angry at his implication. “I would have thought you would have slept like a baby, all snug and safe in you bed all alone.”

“Do you think me so unfeeling, so unaffected by what happened that I could simply sleep with no problems?” She demanded, hands on her hips.

“Yes, actually I do.” Lotor said. “I’m sure you were very relieved to have me gone. Unless…were you worried I’d come back and insist we finish what we started?” She said nothing, so he continued, a vicious stab at the air with his sword. “Would that have been better for you then? If I played the villain you so love to insist I am?”

She started to say something, no and yes fighting to come out. At seeing her indiscretion Lotor sighed, sword stopping in mid swing. “Allura….do you even know what you want right now?”

“Since when does it matter what I want?” She asked, frowning. “You’ve given me little choice this week, in taking me from my home, forcing me to sign a treaty and wed you. Why should it matter now in this regard?”

He was sheathing his sword, tossing the scabbard down onto the floor mat. “Allura…” He approached her, closing the distance between them. She looked up at him his hands touching her shoulders. “I’ve…I try to do what’s right by you. I’ve put an end to this war, I’ve ensured your people’s safety and livelihoods. I’ve honored you in the bedroom, respected your wishes when you said no.”

“Not for lack of trying.” Allura murmured, and he sighed.

“We are husband and wife now. And with that comes certain….expectations.” Lotor explained. “I’ve had to put those aside for now. But damn if it’s not a hard thing to do!”

“You think it’s easy for me?” She asked, expression serious as she gazed upon his face.

Lotor shook his head no. “I know it’s been difficult….there’s been a lot of change in a short amount of time. I’m trying my best, I want to help you adapt….help you flourish within this new lifestyle. Will you let me?”

“I….I suppose I could.” Allura said, and Lotor frowned.

“You have to be sure. Yes, or no Allura?”

“All right then. Yes.” Allura said, and for the first time since seeing him today, he smiled. Just a small one that couldn’t help hide the tension he was feeling.

“Then come with me.” Lotor said, taking her by the hand.

“Where?” Allura asked.

“To the cabin.” Lotor answered, and she hesitated, pulling back on his grip.

“Why?”

“You have to trust me sometime Allura. Why not with this?” He asked, and began leading her out of the training facility. She let him, realizing he was right, Allura keeping her steps from dragging on the floor as they hurried through the hall. Such was her nervousness, that she kept from asking about the ships accompanying them, instead focusing on the warmness of his skin, as his fingers clasped gentle hold of her hand.

All too soon, they reached the cabin, Lotor ushering her inside. He let it close behind them, and stepped towards the bed, Allura voicing a protest. “Lotor wait…I…I’m still not ready…”

“I know you’re not.” Lotor said, and sat down on the bed. He tugged on her hand, pulling her forward and onto his lap. Only then did he let go of her hand, his own on her waist, guiding her to face him so that her legs spread and straddled his.

“Lotor?” Allura asked, startled and embarrassed by this position, her hands going to his bare shoulders, gripping him lightly. He face was before hers, their breath mingling as she stared questioningly into his eyes.

“Relax…” Lotor said. “I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me too.”

“You’re not?” She asked, wondering if he could hear how thunderously loud her heart beat seemed to be beating.

“No…it’s all about you…Going only as far as you’re comfortable with.” Lotor assured her, hands remaining on her waist, fingers grazing her hips.

“I’m already uncomfortable.” She told him flatly, and Lotor sighed.

“Allura…you haven’t even given us a proper chance.”

“A proper chance to do what?” Allura asked. “I’m not going to….to sleep with you. You understand that right? Then why?”

“I thought we could foster some intimacy between us.” Lotor answered, still doing nothing but talking. “Get you a little more comfortable with me. So far everything has been initiated by myself. I thought…perhaps if you were in control…”

“What?” She whispered softly, her eyes searching his intently.

“If you were in control, you’d feel more at ease. More certain and less likely to flee.” Lotor said, and she cocked her head to the side, lips frowning.

“Just what do you expect me to do?” She questioned.

“Whatever you feel comfortable with.” Lotor said. His lips quirked, a hint of a smile threatening to come out. “Why not start with my hair? You seem to like it well enough.”

“Your hair?” She repeated, feeling dull-witted.

“Why not touch it Allura?” Lotor asked. “You never touch me except to push me away. Aren’t you the least bit curious about me?”

She wouldn’t give the boost to his ego, refusing to answer. But she sighed, and brought her hands towards his hair, hesitating just before her fingers sank into his mane. “If I do this…then will you leave me alone for tonight?”

“If that is what you wish….then yes.” Lotor looked pained to make that agreement, but Allura knew he would honor it. She felt certain of that at least, letting her fingers touch his hair. The white strands felt like silk in texture, her fingers sliding through them with ease. She gave thought to wonder if he spent much time brushing it, thinking back to all the hair products she had discovered in his bathroom.

Soft, fluffy, these words also came to mind as she stroked and petted his hair. She swept it back from his face, tucking the side strands behind his pointed ears. He was smiling as she did it, watching her silently as she worked her fingers towards his scalp. Her fingers rubbed circles, massaging his scalp gently, her hands covered with his hair.

“Have you always had long hair?” She asked at last, tearing her eyes away from his mane to glance at his face. He smiled, and answered.

“No. In the academy my father sent me for schooling….they had us keep our hair short, military length.” He chuckled. “It wasn’t until after I graduated….with full honors I might add, that I started to grow it out.” A smirk then, Allura still playing with his hair, unable to imagine what he would look without it being it’s present length. “My father hated it when he saw it. Saw it as an act of rebellion against him.”

“Was it?”

“Perhaps.” Lotor gave a shrug of his shoulders. “But after spending years being told what to do with MY hair, and what kind of clothes I had to wear, it’s quite refreshing to do what I want.” A questioning look at her. “Have you ever rebelled princess? Felt the need to do other than you were told?”

“Oh yes.” Allura said, thinking back on recent years, her urgent need to escape the sometimes stifling care of her guardians. Piloting blue lion came to mind, as did learning to defend herself. Even the simple act of wearing a daring bikini had been enough to give Nanny a small heart attack at her bad behavior. “But….” She said, drawing her hands away from his hair, setting them back onto his shoulders. “Usually when I did rebel, something bad would happen.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Lotor said, Allura merely nodding in acknowledgment. He didn’t press her to explain, for that she was grateful, not wanting to admit that her acts of rebellion usually landed her in either his or Zarkon’s clutches.

Lowering her eyes, she noticed his wound was now uncovered, having healed enough to no longer need the gauze. She touched it now, finger tips grazing just the edge, regret in her voice as she spoke. “I think you may end up with a scar.” It was silly, but she mourned the loss of his flawless skin, having never gotten to see the perfection of his chest before the lazon had cut into it.

“It’ll be my first.” Lotor said, Allura’s fingers still moving around the edge of the wound. “But…considering what I got in return for it, I can’t be angry.” He meant her, she realized, Allura blushing as she glanced up at his face. He was watching her carefully, studying her every reaction to him.

Abruptly, she moved her hands back to the safety of his shoulders, Allura’s voice soft as she questioned him. “So now what?”

“Now?” She nodded, and saw his eyes twinkle with mischief. “How about a kiss?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Allura said, and he sighed.

“I’m not ready to let you off my lap just yet Allura.” Lotor told her. “You’re still not that comfortable being close to me….and I’d like to change that.”

“I doubt a few strokes of your hair will accomplish what you seek.” Allura replied, Lotor smirking.

“No? So we should try something else.”

“No kissing!” She said adamantly, knowing it would just lead to something else, something she wasn’t sure she could handle.

“No kissing.” He agreed, but he was leaning his face in close to hers, breath on the side of her neck as he sniffed at her skin.

“What are you doing now?” She demanded, hands grasping tight hold of his shoulders.

“You smell so good Allura.” Lotor complimented her. “Always. Like flowers and springtime.” He actually nuzzled his face against her neck, Allura gasping.

“I thought you weren’t going to do anything that I didn’t ask for?!”

“But you’re not doing anything but sitting here.” Lotor pointed out. “One of us has got to take the initiative.”

“All right, all right!” She said hastily, pushing at his shoulders. He moved back so they were looking in each other’s eyes once more, Allura blushing as she considered what her next move would be.

She settled for touching his face, fingers raised to caress his cheeks. She felt self conscious with him staring at her, Allura guiding her fingers towards his mouth. His lips were a slightly darker shade of blue, soft to the touch as her fingertips ran over their fullness. He smiled as she did this, the corners of his mouth turning upwards. She tried to fight back the memories of what it felt like when he kissed her, tried not to think on the pleasure his mouth had offered to her the night before. Pleasure she had been quick to reject, Allura labeling those feelings as wrong.

She jumped startled when his lips puckered and kissed her fingertips, his tongue coming out to lick playfully at one. Hastily, Allura slid her hands back into his hair, Lotor pouting at her. Unsure of what to do, she hugged him, breasts pressed against his chest, her face buried in the crook of his shoulder. He was all musk and spice, the faint scent of after shave drifting to her nose as she inhaled.

Her hands were on his back, just resting beneath his shoulder blades, Allura conscious of the muscles she pressed her body against. “See?” Lotor’s voice, breaking into the silence. “This isn’t so bad.”

“No…” She agreed, hugging him tighter. “Not bad at all.”

“Now will you kiss me?” He sounded so hopeful as he asked, Allura pulling back to glance up at him. She considered, biting her lip as she thought about it. At last she gave a shy nod of her head, but an after thought had her quickly barking out an order.

“But no tongue!”

“No tongue.” He sighed wistfully, then smirked. “Not unless you change your mind.”

“I won’t.” She said insistently, Allura reaching to cup his face in her hands. Slowly, closing her eyes to block out the sight of him watching her, she brought her mouth to bare against his. She sighed as she did it, a gentle pressing of her lips, feeling Lotor respond immediately. His lips worked to mold and cling to hers, Allura mimicking his moves.

She pressed harder against him, mouth parting slightly, mouthing at his bottom lip. His fingers curled on her waist, nails digging into her skin, Lotor behaving by keeping his hands in place. Silent except for the sounds of their breathing, they continued to kiss, Allura growing bolder, letting her tongue lick across his bottom lip. She felt a quiver shake Lotor’s body, and she pulled back surprised.

“You’re trembling.” She noted, and he looked at her, eyes serious but clouding with desire.

“I don’t want to scare you….” Lotor began.

“But?” She urged him when he fell silent.

“It’s the effort of holding back.” Lotor admitted. “Of not doing what I want to do to you.”

“We should stop them…” Allura said, trying to pull off his lap. His hands gripped her firmly, pulling her back into place, causing her to wiggle and squirm in response. Her movements drew his breath up short, Lotor half closing his eyes as he let a soft moan escape him. Wide eyed she stared at him, wondering at the cause of his reaction.

“Let’s keep going.” Lotor said, leaning in for another kiss. She started to protest, but his lips touched hers, a forceful kiss, tongue sweeping forth to tease into her open mouth. She couldn’t help herself, Allura squealed, resuming her movement on his lap. His hands were fighting to hold her down, Lotor starting to grind against her in response to her struggles.

She gasped, and she wiggled, Allura shocked and dismayed to feel something poking at her center. A bulge that seemed to grow in size and hardness the more Lotor ground against her. It wasn’t exactly unpleasant as it rubbed against her womanhood, causing her to tingle and squirm even more, a desperate attempt to let the good feelings continue.

Lotor broke the kiss, only to nip playfully at the front of her throat, Allura gasping, getting a good idea at just what that was that continued to bump between her legs. He growled into her throat, a low, dangerous sound, Allura going still at hearing it.

“Keep moving.” Lotor moaned, his hands trying to move her hips for her. She grabbed onto his arms, holding on for dear life, a protest issuing from her lips.

“I think we should stop!”

“Stop?” Lotor groaned, grinding even more vigorously against her. His motions increased the feelings of pleasure, Allura biting back a whimper. Was he trying to drive her mad, some form of twisted revenge for the night before?

“Yes, stop!” Allura whispered, tone pleading even as she continued to squirm on top of him. He went back to biting at her throat, still doing that delicious sinful movement against her. “Just a little more Allura…just a little more…” He was begging her back, breathing hard and licking at the droplets of sweat on her skin.

“More what?” She asked confused, wiggling from side to side, feeling his erection brush against things she had no words for. She closed her eyes, a moan escaping her, even as Lotor purred and bit down on her flesh, stifling his shout.

Time seemed to slow, to narrow down to the rubbing between her legs. Allura feeling something building up within her. Higher and higher it climbed, making her moan and move about, biting her lip to keep her sounds inside her. She was brought up short when Lotor suddenly moaned, his fingernails digging in hard enough to hurt, his movements coming to a stop. She felt him shuddering, shaking as he whispered her name, panting.

She was even more confused when he kissed her, sweet and undemanding as he began to pull her off his lap, her body still tingling, waiting for something. Not understanding why he was suddenly pulling away from her, Lotor lips did one last chaste pressing against hers.

He was all smiles, seeming not to notice how bothered she was by their encounter, Allura frowning as she watched him walk over to the dresser, pulling open drawers as he removed a change of clothing.

“Taking a shower?” She asked, telling herself she was NOT disappointed at him leaving her like this.

“Yes.” Lotor nodded, heading for the bathroom, his good mood a direct contrast to the foul one she found building up inside her. He paused at the door, turning to glance at her over his shoulder. “Thank you Allura…”

“For what?” She asked grumpily, but he didn’t answer, locking the door behind him. She let herself fall backwards on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, face twisted into a scowl. Once again he had left her aching, wanting something. With a snort she was rolling onto her stomach, grabbing a pillow, issuing forth a scream into it’s cotton material as she damned Lotor for teasing her.


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